Local Vampire Frozen Solid: Sheboygan’s Chilly Halloween ‘Sucks’ for Some
Sheboygan, WI – In an unprecedented Halloween horror, a local vampire, known only as Count Frostbite, has been found frozen solid in Fountain Park. The shocking discovery was made by a group of trick-or-treaters who initially mistook the icy vampire for an avant-garde snow sculpture.
“It was weird, man,” said teenager Marty “Moonbeam” McGee, who stumbled upon the frozen bloodsucker. “We thought it was one of those artsy ice things, but then we saw the fangs. Totally gnarly!”
The sudden snowstorm that swept through Sheboygan not only canceled trick-or-treating festivities but also proved perilous for the nocturnal noshers. Count Frostbite, who was apparently out for a Halloween haunt, was caught off-guard by the rapid drop in temperature.
Local witch, Esmeralda Nightshade, offered her two cents: “It’s a common misconception that vampires don’t feel the cold. This is obviously not true. Poor guy probably didn’t even have time to grab a scarf.”
The Sheboygan Paranormal Society has been called in to deal with the situation, though they admit this is uncharted territory. “We’ve dealt with hauntings, poltergeists, even a chupacabra sighting at the Sheboygan County Fair. But a frozen vampire? This is new,” stated society president, Igor Spookwell.
Meanwhile, the city’s werewolves have expressed their solidarity. Pack leader, Lycan Larry, was overheard howling, “It could’ve been any of us! We’re furry, but we’re not immune to hypothermia!”
As for Count Frostbite, plans are underway to carefully thaw him out, though there’s debate on the method. Suggestions have ranged from a giant microwave to a communal hairdryer thawing ceremony. In the meantime, the frozen vampire has become a temporary tourist attraction, with locals and visitors alike taking selfies with the icy immortal.
Sheboygan’s Department of Unnatural Weather Phenomena has issued a statement, advising all supernatural entities to dress warmly and carry emergency hot cocoa. As for the rest of the city, this Halloween will go down in history as the night when the chilling phrase “cold as a vampire’s heart” got a whole new meaning.
