Area Bats Complain About Stereotypes, Insist They’re Not All Vampires
SHEBOYGAN, WI – Amidst the mystical pandemonium that continually graces the enchanted city of Sheboygan, a new protest takes flight, this time from the city’s often overlooked yet sonically endowed bat population. Tired of being lumped together with the city’s vampire elite, the bats have launched a PR campaign: “Not All Bats Suck.”
The campaign took flight at the stroke of midnight last Friday, as banners waved and echolocation chants filled the air. “We demand recognition for our contribution to the ecosystem, not just the echo in Dracula movies!” squeaked Bella Wingbeat, the spokesbat for Sheboygan’s Alliance of Bats (SAB).
While Count Von Nibble, a local vampire and aspiring councilman, acknowledged the bats’ grievances with an elegantly penned (and nocturnally delivered) note, the bats’ efforts to distance themselves from their blood-sucking counterparts have proven to be an uphill flight.
“The bats need to understand, stereotypes fly both ways,” Count Von Nibble explained. “I’ve been trying to dispel the myth that all vampires turn into bats for decades, and let’s not even start on the garlic intolerance assumption.”
The “Not All Bats Suck” movement, however, is not without its supporters. Mayor Nutty McNutface has expressed sympathy for the winged residents. Meanwhile, Larry Lupin, local werewolf and owner of the newly opened pet grooming business “Fur Real”, offered free grooming sessions for the bats to help them look less… vampiric.
The bats’ demands include an end to typecasting in Halloween decorations, a formal apology from Hollywood, and the introduction of a “Bat Appreciation Night” in Sheboygan, where residents can learn about the creatures’ contributions to controlling insect populations and pollinating flowers.
As this nocturnal narrative unfolds, one thing is clear – in the enigmatic environs of Sheboygan, where witches, werewolves, and wizards roam free, the bats’ plea for rebranding is but another chapter in the city’s unwavering commitment to supernatural inclusivity and diversity.
And as the full moon (potentially soon to be sponsored) illuminates the protest, the fluttering of wings and echolocation songs fill the air – a reminder that in Sheboygan, every creature, be it mystic or mundane, has a voice… and an uncanny ability to make headlines.